Thoughtfulness
"Bring him up to be thoughtful and kind and you won't go far wrong," advised my mother-in-law after the birth of our first son. It was the importance of being thoughtful and kind which struck me as an abiding feature of my husband's family from the very beginning. At 85 Nan remains the most non-religious, religious person I've ever known, if that makes sense. If anyone is in need she's there with words of encouragement and giving the appropriate help. She often tells me that she doesn't believe in religion and yet some of the profoundest spiritual insights in my life have been channelled through her. I've often wondered how this can be.
Vera Brittain, writing of her great friend Winifred Holtby in, Testament of Friendship, (1940) shows her to have been another self-proclaimed non-religious person whose life was one of thoughtfulness and kindness throughout. In the 1920s Winifred travelled around South Africa giving peace lectures on behalf of the League of Nations Union. There she agonised over the plight of native Africans and for the rest of her short life campaigned on their behalf, gave and raised money to support someone to work with and for them in their own country and helped and entertained African students who came to England. Never marrying she seemed to be the woman to whom friends and family called on in their hour of need, and there were many such hours. She was there for support when children were born, friends were ill and aged relatives died. And this support went far beyond that of comforting words. She was an able woman who 'got things done'. She wrote articles, edited journals and gave many lectures, both to make a living and to make the world a more peaceful place to live in. But her main love was in being an artist, a writer of novels. For this her life of being there for others left little time. Her best-known literary work is probably South Riding, written in the year she died, aged 37.
Thoughtfulness and kindness are human values whereby we can be inspired by and inspire others to achieve what might be thought unattainable. These are values at the root of good relationships and friendship. Nan's example has meant being part of a family who encourage and enable me to participate fully in life in spite of depleted energy levels. Reading of Winifred Holtby's prolific output in response to the needs of those close to her and to those, whoever and wherever they might be, who were being treated unjustly, is inspiring. She didn't allow her personal health problems or ongoing struggle to spell correctly detract from writing or speaking up for that in which she believed. Like Nan, she was not religious.
For this month then I shall see whether I can learn more about the religious life from my non-religious models by valuing their thoughtfulness and kindness along with reason, tolerance and freedom.
The Unitarian - Feb 2005 - "Thought for the Month" by Joan Wilkinson