The NUF
For my first 30 years I was a Roman Catholic, the daughter of a devout Catholic mother and a father who was probably an agnostic. His mother was a Baptist, not so my father. I remember rows over religion. Had they a shared belief or non-belief it would have been better. As it was, I grew up with a foot in both camps, trying to be loyal to both parents. Eventually scepticism took over and I abandoned Catholicism altogether.
In the following year I was ill with depression which gave rise to five suicide attempts. The last one in 1972 was so very nearly fatal that my mother
asked her priest to give me extreme unction, much to my annoyance when I heard about it! Perhaps my subconsciousness by this time recognised that God, if he existed, was trying to tell me something! That was the last tryst with death but not the end of the depression.
Emotional Wilderness
For many years I was in and out of an emotional wilderness; my spirituality was at a low ebb. I sometimes took paths leading to a greater darkness. At the age of 45 my first short, happy marriage ended in widowhood. At 47 I married again, perhaps without due consideration. I was still prey to depression and great spiritual uncertainty. There was also a lot of darkness in my "aura". I had a feeling even in good times that I was treading on thin ice: everything could give way in an instant.
As I grew older I read widely of spiritual and religious works and became converted to positive thinking. At around 60, I attempted to re-join my old childhood church with my doubts mostly intact. After 8 weeks I had to admit defeat. I could not believe what I was required to believe and what once I did not question.
I joined Amnesty International in 2000 and became a member of their Urgent
Action Team writing appeals for prisoners of conscience. My husband and I adopted a child in Nepal. Before long we were writing to prisoners on death row in America; all things pointed forward.
I sent for information about the Unitarian faith, with a coupon from Amnesty magazine. What I read impressed me very favourably. Particularly the Unitarian view of earth and nature. I felt that I could relate to a faith where I could trust my own feelings about the things that concern me most deeply, and where dogma and ritual were not required. Eventually I joined the NUF, where I happily remain with some good friends. I now feel that I have a deeper relationship with God, much greater serenity and good mental health. . My spiritual life and humanitarian efforts co-exist happily together. Truly I have come through the wilderness into the light.
"The NUF" by Margaret Hazel - Published in the March 2005 issue of the Inquirer